Readers, I am declaring independence!
For too many years I have lived under this idea that, "I'm not enough", "I'm not good enough". I don't know what exactly the "enough" is supposed to be for. All I know is that at EVERY failure I have heard these words shouted in my head. Throughout my life, and earnestly in the past few years, God has worked amazingly in my life and has removed many of the lies I had believed about myself. I can look in the mirror and see beauty! Beauty that I never believed I would see. But, enough of that, on to my independence. For too long I have lived under this tyranny, and have taken every little comment to heart. For instance, two weeks ago in my culinary class a teacher told me that my uniform was sloppy. I, took that remark, and ran with it. The whole rest of the class I just wanted to throw my uniform away, because I was now aware of it and couldn't change it. I read too much into the comment, and got mad. All because, I am too self conscious. Well, guess what! NO MORE!
I AM A Nerd for Christ!!! I LOVE talking about Him, and He has just recently revived that love. I am going to stop caring that I sound like a lunatic to the world, and I'm going to talk about Him! Instances of the spirit, miracles, and Bible verses included. :)
I can't listen to music without dancing to it! It is a proven fact, commented on by several of my friends. I again, at the time, tried to stop myself from then on when I would start to sway to the music. Thinking, that maybe dancing EVERY time I heard a song was wrong. But you know what?! That's how God created me! He created me to love music, and has given me a passion for dance. I love to dance almost more than I love to cook, and sometimes wonder if I missed my calling. So, the next time you hang out with me, bring your dancing shoes and we'll sway to the music together.
I am a Doctor Who fanatic (or Whovian, as we are formally called), it is my one nerdy addiction. I love the TARDIS and wish I had one to travel through time on. I love David Tennant as the Doctor, and don't know if I will ever like Matt Smith...but I am trying!
I have NO idea what I want to do with my degree...NONE. Honestly, there is not one clue. I want to find MY dream, MY own calling. I want to make a difference for Christ, and serve His children. I also want to go to the French Culinary Institute to study Chocolate, and cakes.
I am a neat freak in the kitchen. When I cook, I wash my hands every five minutes. Seriously... I love working with my hands, I just hate it when they're messy for long periods of time.
I LOVE playing the piano, even if I am no good at it. I've been told by piano playing friends that I've played certain notes the wrong way, and you know what? It's fine! I can learn to play them correctly, with some tutelage. And, I can continue to learn from their example, and play for my Audience of One.
I am not detail oriented. I am a big picture person! I like going from point A to Point B, I just don't know how to get there. I know what Point B is going to look like...just not how to make it like that. Does that make any sense?
I am not a girly girl. I adore dresses, and dressing up. But, I will never get up an hour early just to do my hair. I don't care for makeup, and honestly I'm too tall for heels. I love my jeans, but love my comfy workout pants better. I am a T-shirt and jeans kinda girl, and I'm going to stop pretending/striving to be otherwise.
I am horrible at defending others and myself when confronted. I live "today in yesterday" as John Keats once said. After the fact, I can think of a thousand things that I wish I had said, or did. But, when I am in the moment...nothing! I am too upset, and trying to process what is going on to retort. I absolutely hate this about myself. It turns me into a doormat, and I can't even defend my LORD when someone is bashing him. I didn't defend my teacher today in math when he was being bashed (behind his back) by my classmates. I thought afterwards, it doesn't matter that I didn't say anything...my silence was just as bad. I have often wondered, "Where were the people that loved Jesus on His crucifixion day? Why were they silent? When the mob was shouting 'crucify', why were they not shouting 'No'". I get it now...Taking a stand is never easy, especially in an angry crowd. But still...
The same goes for when I have confronted someone, or criticized them. I wonder if I was too harsh, and I rethink what I said over and over and over again until I wish I had just held my tongue. I will probably be rethinking this post as I lay in bed tonight before I go to sleep, thinking about things I should have added, or not have added. I just over think things too much...*sigh*.
I am terrified of water slides, roller coasters, and heights. I have no idea where this comes from, but, while some people think of theme parks as fun...I think of them as death sentences...true story. I have tried to face my fears...but it's still a work in progress.
I will love fairy tales, and tea parties til the day I die. End of story.
I wish I was British...really bad...they live in the most beautiful country, and have the best accents. Plus, Europe's so small they can go to France for the day if they want....FRANCE! Where do we go? Wilmington...or the mountains...*shakes head*.
Those are just a few facts about me, and I for one am going to go into my Plated Desserts class tomorrow, and wow them with my spotless uniform. And, my chai tea affagato, that I am preparing. Pictures later. Goodnight to you all, and good day!
