I have gotten things accomplished today. I have worked on math homework, written a list of the recipes I need for this week, and yesterday I completed my painting resubmission of a hummingbird and a flower. I still have some math to complete, paintings to start, reading to do, and a Bible study to prepare...but, I have a desire to write. So, I am here.
You know, growing up God would occasionally ask me this very interesting question, "Would you die for me?"
To which I always replied, "No". I was too scared, and the many ways I have heard of martyrs dying didn't help matters. I have been walking with God now for 8 years. I have seen Him work miracles. He's changed me completely, and has brought me so far from where I was. Though insecurities still arise, and cause me to doubt myself and my worth, I don't feel completely worthless and ugly anymore. I KNOW that I have worth, that I am beautiful, and that God has lots of plans for me. God is Worthy! And so much sweeter, richer, and more fulfilling than anything in this world.
I think that is why I've always been afraid I wasn't doing God's will. I knew He had amazing plans and I wanted to live out all of them. But, God has taught me something about that, it is better to be focused on GOD, than just on His Will. Because, as you get to know Him, you will also know His will. Jesus tells us in John 14, that a servant doesn't know what His master wants...but I have called you friends that you may know what the Father wills (paraphrase).
We are His friends, and therefore can know what He wants. Because, He will tell us what we need to do, when we need to do it, and where we need to be.
The Hiding Place, is the story of Corrie Ten Boom. In it she tells the story of a train ride with her father when she was young. She had asked him a question, and he replied by asking her one back. He asked when he gave her her train ticket. She replied that it was right before they boarded the train. He explained that is what God does sometimes. He holds our "train ticket" until we are ready to have it.
"Some knowledge is too heavy ... you cannot bear it...your Father will carry it until you are able". -Corrie ten Boom.
I do not know what God has planned for my future, all I know is that He has my train ticket, and He will hand it to me when I need it. As He will do for you.
I also do not know if He will ever require me to give up my life on this earth for His sake. To quite literally die for Him, or if He just means it as total surrender. However, I do know that He calls all of us to give up our lives for Him. To die to ourselves daily, and to follow Him. Matthew 16:24-27 says this, "Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul? For the Son of Man with come with His angels in the glory of His Father and will judge all people according to their deeds ".
While I don't know what I would do in a martyr situation, I do know that I would rather give my life up on behalf of Christ than to live a thousand years for myself. I hope and pray that God blesses and challenges you today.
Amen.
